just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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