I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
