When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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