We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
