I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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