I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
