I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
He told me they were just razor bumps!
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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