She's JV to your varsity
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
