I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
She announced her abortion via fbk
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
