Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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