my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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