So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
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