Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
