On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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