I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
