I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
