Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
