Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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