I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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