He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
