i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
