He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
