my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
