i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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