I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
