I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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