don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
