This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
