Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Holy shit dude........stairs
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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