I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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