you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I am available for nakedness
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
