Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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