man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
