yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
