We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
My vagina just recognized that song.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
