i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
