Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
