So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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