hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
