Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
