I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
