Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
