guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
