Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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