I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
