Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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