just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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