True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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