I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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