the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
