hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
