I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
