Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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