He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
