She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
